DIFFERENCES ARE INEVITABLE; SO IS CONFLICT

When you show up, you will inevitably discover that you have differences. No two people are alike.  When couples first meet their differences can be experienced as novel and exciting. 

Eventually couples find that no two people want the same things at the same time all the time and no two people like the same things to the same degree. My husband is a fan of sports.  He loves it so much he is a season ticket holder of baseball and football in particular.  I, on the other hand, enjoy baseball on occasion and football more often.  So he goes to games with his guy friends and I go when I want to go.  He is considerate in that he gives me first dibs on the teams and times I want to go.  This works for both of us.  Just imagine if I asked him to give up going to games so we could be together?  There is likely to be no togetherness if he wants to do something different.

Sometimes differences aren’t easily resolved.  When couples argue and fight, both partners feel distressed, experience their reactions differently and express distress differently.  Some people get intense, wordy, fire away while others withdraw, shut down and/or get defensive. 

Couples fight because both partners need and want something.  It’s important to find out what your partner wants and needs and not just focus on your own wants and needs.

When you are curious about both your needs and wants and your partners needs and wants you will be making a huge deposit of trust and confidence in your relationship.

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