WHEN UPSET

Be 100% responsible for showing up and 100% responsible for your reactions; this increases your trustworthiness.

John Gottman says it helps to:

1) Use a soft start up. 

TRY THIS: I would like to spend time talking about something I am having difficulty with. When is a good time for you?

NOT THIS:  Wait until you are ready to burst and then say, “You never listen to me”.  “You don’t care about what I want”. “ You only care about yourself”. “You never have time for me”.

2) AVOID:  The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse:

CRITICISM,

CONTEMPT

DEFENSIVENESS

STONEWALLING

https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

When you connect over differences, by staying open to your perspective and that of your partner you and your partner are likely to feel cherished, understood, trusting and competent.  Instead of arguing and fighting, over whose perspective will prevail see if you can discover what you want and need from the situation.

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